About the Wait for Spring

November 9th was my cousin Carmen's 44th birthday and it found her in a hospital bed, fighting death with teeth and nails.

No one ever thought this possible, and yet there she was with only one desire: to live and go home to her children and husband. And there I was, thousands of miles away, hoping I could be there for her.

It's moments like these when you are invaded by memories so old, you had forgotten they were there. By feelings of love and belonging that time and distance had faded.

Carmen was the studious one. We grew up far away from each other, but she came to Santiago to go to law school. She lived with us that first year. She was my roommate. The closest to a big sister I ever had.

I remember drilling her for tests. I remember her always staying up late studying. One time, years after she had graduated, she told me she always felt bad keeping the light on when I was asleep. I don't remember it bothering me.

Her mom, Aunt Delia, would send her huge packages every now and then and I LOVED watching her open them. She had grown up where it's hot and dry, and now she was living where it was cooler and where the weather actually dared to rain. She was always cold. She had flannel sheets. I had never even seen flannel sheets and they seemed suffocating to me. She loved them.

She married a good guy from the navy, and they moved a lot. They even lived in the southern-most city in the world, next to the penguins and huge icebergs. I bet it took a lot more than flannel sheets to keep her warm.

She taught at a University. But soon she gave up her career so she could raise her children, a decision that goes against the grain in Chile. Did she feel her time with them would be limited?

With all her moving and my leaving the country we lost contact. About that: losing contact with a loved one seems like such an easy thing to let happen, but I have always come to regret it. Food for thought.

Now she is gone. I lived every waking second of her last days thinking of her. My thoughts and heart were there. I felt her anguish and it pierced me to the very soul. But there is one thing that offers hope:

Alma 40:11-12

11 Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

She didn't want to go. I didn't want her to go, but God has plans that we cannot always understand. I have learned that our lives are truly in his hands. The sooner we realize it, the better.

God provides us with everything we could possibly need to overcome trials and have eternal life and be together again with our families. Thanks to his son Jesus Christ, we can live again, in happiness.

Mosiah 16:8

But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

Moroni 7:41

And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised into life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.

The gospel of Jesus Christ brings hope and peace to my heart. I hope it does to yours when you are faced with sorrow.

The day of Carmen's funeral I planted hundreds of spring bulbs in my front yard. I did it because every spring I wish I had done it the previous fall to be able to enjoy the beauty of the flowers.

It turned out to be the most perfect tribute for my amazing cousin. I worked so hard all that day, and at the end, you couldn't tell I had done a stitch of work.

I can't see those bulbs now, they will be resting through the winter and I won't be able to see them until spring comes. Just you wait and my yard will be filled with daffodils, tulips, hydrangeas, and so many other flowers. They will be beautiful.

So will Carmen be. So we will all be.